Refuge & Protection

Living with anxiety is somewhat of a wild ride. I can be totally fine one second and then something small could happen and it causes my entire day/mood to spin around and lands me in a chaotic state of emotion. My anxiety has been pretty low the last few days and I have been, for the most part, great. When that happens, I enjoy each and every second of the care-free feelings that are coursing through me. When I can quiet my mind for an extended amount of time, it allows me to just sit and appreciate the memories that I get to make with those that I love. During this time of quarantine, those things could be just relaxing and watching a show with the boys, walking outside and feeling the fresh air run through my veins, playing games with family, or doing a FaceTime/Zoom with my best friends and family. Those moments mean more to me than I could ever put into words because I am very aware of just how lucky I really am to have such a blessed life.

Last night, I had been praying and searching my heart for what my next blog post should be about. It was hard for me to try and think of something to write when everything had been going great and I didn’t have any matters really pressing on my heart. This morning, I woke up from a crazy dream (those have been the regular for me lately, I mean like off the charts CRAZY- quarantine is getting to me… haha!) and instantly, my heart was pressured with anxiety. It felt like there was a pretty big tightness in my chest and when that happens, I find it a little harder to breathe (not enough to be troubling-I’m not trying to scare anyone- but it’s just something I take note of. If you have anxiety, I bet you can relate!). My mind was racing about a thousand miles per hour and I was somewhat exhausted. The sleep that I got, although it was plenty, must not have been very restful. This led to my thoughts all day long bouncing from one silly worry that I have absolutely no control over to another.

I realized when I woke up this morning that the topic for my next blog post was going to be on anxiety and what God says about anxiety. That led to me gnawing on different thoughts of what I wanted to say in this entry throughout the day and when I opened my Bible for devotions a few hours ago, I realized what I was supposed to say was right in front of me. God’s pretty cool like that!

Scene setting: I am in the book of 2 Samuel and today’s devotions were partially over 2 Samuel 22. This chapter is a song that King David sang on “…the day the Lord rescued him from all of his enemies and from Saul” (2 Samuel 22: 1). If you aren’t familiar with the story, Saul was King of the Israelites before David and when David began to be praised for slaying Goliath, Saul realized that David was a threat to the throne (since he wasn’t an actual son of the reining king). Saul also became jealous of the things that people were saying about David and his paranoia of being replaced by David caused Saul to try and kill David MULTIPLE times. Each time there was an attempt made on David’s life, David took the high road and did what was right, not killing or harming Saul since Saul had been chosen by God to become king in the first place. In the end, David was rewarded by God for his faithfulness and eventually, became king over Israel. David spent the rest of his life defending his throne and doing what was right by God no matter what. I have undoubtedly missed several scenes in that recap but I just wanted to give a little background as to why this song is important.

David had every reason in the book to live with anxiety. To give up and fold in the towel and just not try to do what he was called to do. There were so many moments of David’s life where he was doing the best he could and honoring the things he knew were right and for some reason or another, he got the short end of the stick anyways. That didn’t stop him from pursuing what he knew to be true and right. The song I am about to refer to is his reaction to finally coming out on top and vindicated by God.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
³     my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the power that saves me,
    and my place of safety.
He is my refuge, my savior,
    the one who saves me from violence.
⁴ I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
    and he saved me from my enemies.(2 Samuel 22: 2-4)

These were the first few verses I read and instantly, my heart was put to ease. The phrases I made bold are the ones that I have underlined in my Bible because they jumped out of the page and shook the anxiety free. Jesus is your place of protection from a world that is so full of opinions, negativity and hurt. He is where you can run to and find refuge from the pain. One of the coolest things that I see here is that God was seen as a rock and protection, a place of safety and the one who saves from violence even in the Old Testament- where a lot of the time, violence won out and God was seen as a God to be feared. When Jesus came, he validated these very praises that David gave and proved them to be true by doing what only God could do,love us exactly where we are at and forgive us for the shortcomings that we have by simply being human.

19 “They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,
    but the Lord supported me….

21 The Lord rewarded me for doing right;
    he restored me because of my innocence.” (2 Samuel 22: 19, 21)

The two verses I have referenced here spoke to me because today was totally a day I was in distress from the start. It took the things that I am going through and helped me to relate to the feelings of a man in the Old Testament, to things that happened LONG ago. It showed me that all of the different emotions that we feel are universal throughout culture and are constant throughout time. David never said that he didn’t have stress, I can only imagine the moments of anxiety that he had when fighting for his life, but that was never something he decided to dwell on. David took the circumstances that he was given, the cards that he was dealt, and praised God through it all.

We all have a choice. We can either find the positives or focus on the troubles. We can invite a culture of blessings and thankfulness into our lives or let fear and anxiety rule our situations. It is 100% okay to feel every single thing that you do. I have had many moments of what felt like paralyzing fear wash over me during these last few months. It’s okay to let yourself go through a process of grieving or anger at the way things are right now. What is important is that you don’t let yourself stay in that mindset. Once you have given yourself some time to feel the things you need to in order to process clearly, get back up, dust yourself off and keep moving, even if its just one baby step at a time. Progress is progress. Remember that Jesus is a steady rock to be able to put your foundation of life on. He will always be there to hold you up. He is a safe place to run to when everything else in this world seems to fail. He is also SO worthy of our praise! In Him, all anxiety is wiped away. His truths are what will steady your life.

If there is anything that I can help pray with you over, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below or reach out to me via email (check the contact page). I would love to help lift you up. Please know that you are not alone if you are feeling anxiety and that everyone is learning to navigate the unknown of life right now together.

I hope this message spoke to you, I would love to hear your thoughts in a comment below as well!